Thundering Silence

Empty Houses allow too much time for thinking

An oppressive silence that gives the voices in your head free reign

The silenced thoughts start screaming and the buried pain starts crawling to the forefront of your mind

Emotions are upended and the extrovert must suffer through her loud silence

Voices are energizing, right? Then why are those in my head exhausting?

So utterly, completely, and entirely exhausting.

Loud music coupled with senseless T.V. chatter do little to shut out the arguments roaring in my mind

A battle wages between fictional characters and secrets I would rather shush

Which is loud enough to win the war? Which will drown out the other and win my attention? Totally consume my thoughts, distract me, and endlessly play with my mind.

I used to think I was strong. Strong enough to stay to myself.

Sure, I’ll talk about “deep” topics with you, but never what is truly plaguing my heart and mind. Why is it that I can only listen to what rattles around in my head when I am completely alone with no chance of being interrupted?

Then, old demons resurfaced, old hurts arose. And every facade, every wall ever built to protect a fragile heart came crumbling down in a teary, burning mess.

The shame I felt, both in needing help and guidance and toward you for putting me in this situation boiled to an eruptive surface

All these emotions…provoked by the quiet of an empty house.

Simply because of an empty house.

A house quiet enough to let my thoughts speak words that crush and break my reality.

-Chickadee

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