Dear Daddy

There were a million things I imagined my eighteenth year would hold

Never did I think it would involve court visits,

Custody battles,

And exposing the nightmare I’d lived in all my childhood

 

Daddy, please…

Think about your babies

The small, love-filled eyes that stare up at you, pleading with you

The soft, sad voices asking where daddy is, why he can’t live at home with us anymore

The children are so young, they don’t understand and sometimes…I don’t either

 

I love you…but we can’t be alone with you

It isn’t safe

We can’t trust you…our papa

The one man who I was supposed to be able to count on

If I can’t trust you…why should I trust any man?

 

I didn’t want to hurt you, what I did wasn’t revenge for all the pain you caused me

It was time for the world to know the truth

You hurt me and my mother…emotionally and physically

I know, I know…that wasn’t you, right?

Just the alcohol and drugs; you would be nice again in the morning

But that’s what made everything oh, so confusing

A loving papa in the morning, screaming monster at night

 

I was just a girl…a girl who wanted her daddy’s love

In a way, I don’t blame you…your mind was held captive by a vile liquid

But…why wasn’t I enough? Why were none of us kids enough to make you stop?

I am not an emotional person…you know this

So why didn’t my tears make you understand?

 

Daddy…I miss you…the real you.

The one who would listen to me and wouldn’t yell,

My daddy who smiled and gave us hugs and tickles.

That’s the Daddy I miss.

When you find him will you give him a message for me?

Dad, come home. I still need you…

-Chickadee

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